“I am sorry but…”
“I am sorry you feel like…”
“I am sorry it won’t happen again”
An apology needs to be so much more than one sentence.
An apology is only valid if the behavior changes after the apology.
And an apology definitely should not deflect blame back to you or change the argument. That isn’t an apology and that isn’t acknowledgment.
“I am sorry” needs to be so much more because an apology is nothing without context. In the apology should be them giving you the WHY it happened, HOW it could happen and WHAT will happen so that it DOESN’T happen again and THEN they need to remind YOU why THEY know you are valuable to THEM. If THEY cannot do THAT it isn’t good enough.
But first, let’s build a bit of justification and logical reasoning for why you deserve an apology.
If you are in the position of having to justify to someone why you deserve an apology, it should sound something direct like this: “I am at a place in life where I have taken ownership over my path, past and emotional intelligence. I am a high value person to be with/around and I deserve that same energy in return. That same energy will look like someone who changes behavior rather than gives a 5-7 word apology, I need more.”
To summarize: don’t apologize if you cannot change what you are sorry for.
A relationship with you should be your partners largest investment of time, money, and energy so an “I am sorry” conversation shouldn’t feel like work for you.
Second. let’s acknowledge that even having to ask more from the apology a person is trying to give you is a red flag that their awareness is not fully on you.
Before you accept less…
Think about all the work you have done to get where you are and all the work you have done with yourself so that you can bring your best self into a relationship.
With all this in mind, understand that when you become someone who operates at an awareness level that has you on a mission, empty apologies will mean nothing to you.
Sometimes apologies are valid, behavior changes and it won’t happen again. I am not saying that it isn’t possible. But what I am also saying is there are people who can see your value without having to disappoint until they “get it”.
#strikeamatch
CDM Think Tank LLC 