True Generosity

Interest is what you pay to rent money that isn’t yours.
Borrowing money is seen as a win-win.
You get the money you need now and the bank ends up with more money at the end of the deal for renting you their money.  
With payments and money, we can physically see that this system can work and be good for everyone before engaging in the deal.  
Generosity is different.
Generosity usually means you are willing to do something and not expect to be paid back.
The good news is you can be generous without it costing you any money.
There is generosity in listening deeply to someone’s concerns.
There is generosity in being patient and explaining things again.
Generosity shows us that it isn’t always a monetary investment that has the best return.
Most of us can loan someone a dollar when we stand to earn two in return.
Something phenomenal happens when you give without thinking about what you will receive in return.


End the haggle over your commission.

It doesn’t matter what location you work in.

Or how many referrals your best clients send on your behalf.

It does NOT matter that you are consistent.

That you go above and beyond in your service.

Or, that you make the average freelancer/contractor look like an amateur.

It doesn’t matter.

There will always be someone who asks you to take a commission cut.

There isn’t a set quota for how many prospective clients you will have to deal with and never have to deal with again after that imaginary number is met.

There will always be another client who asks you to take less. 

Even after you build a loud and proud reputation for never agreeing to take a cut in commission…

There will still be people asking you to take less. 

The title of this is “End the haggle over your commission for good”

The operative word is “Haggle”.

To Haggle: dispute or bargain persistently, especially over the cost of something.

There is one way to prevent having to haggle with prospect/clients…


Haggling is a two-player sport.

So if you refuse to be the other player, there is no game to be played.

The handling of the not haggling is what you need to do professionally.

Contrary to the movies, there are offers that you can refuse. (Godfather reference…sorry : )

This is not the movies.

You do not have to do anything you do not want to do.

Yet, some clients will still try.

Here is how open you should feel about commission cuts:

You have to decide you will not take a cut in your commission.

Not for any special circumstance.

Not if you represent two parties in a deal.

Not for a cousin.

Not for anyone or ever.

Here are some reasons why:

#1. Your job is difficult and you are worth every Penny.

#2. If you take less money from one client, you risk your brand forever being viewed as an exception maker, discount provider, or both.

Now…those are your reasons.

No offense, but the prospect asking you to take a commission cut doesn’t care about your image.

They want to spend less money.

It isn’t that they are cold hearted necessarily…

Or that they want anything bad to happen to you.

They just care about themselves more than their concern for your brand.

And so, when you tell them you will not take less money for doing your work, you have to put it in terms that they can relate to…them


In response to the question, “will you take ½ the commission”: 

Agent response:  “If I were to take half the commission I am worth I would have to do only 25% of what I do for my clients.  You may be thinking why %25 and not %50 since you have offered me half? If I accept less than %100 of what I am worth I will have to treat you with the degree of service I imagine the majority of people in my field operate at when providing a “discount” compared to my level of professionalism. I imagine that unfortunately most people paying a discount broker get service that is about %25 of my service.  That is just a guess of course because I spend no time thinking about what other people do.  For me, I give %100 percent to my clients because my clients are worth it.  So I cant take a cut in commission for two reasons, one- I am worth it.  And two, I would hope you think you are worth the best service available too. I understand you are making a large monetary investment with this transaction, which is precisely why you should protect that investment by having me on board should you want the best service available protecting your investment.”

It can feel personal when people take a shot at your commission.

Most people do not do it out of disrespect.

They do it out of self-interest.

After all, it isn’t your brand they need to be concerned with protecting.

That is your concern.

Your best bet is to make your brand a reflection of what they feel they deserve.

If you tell them they deserve more than what a discount buys

their self-interest may put their haggling to rest.

It Takes Two to Tango

Getting your clients on the same page can be a challenge.

It can be similar to teaching a couple how to dance.

You can have the best music in the world.

Provide the best stage.

Showcase the dance floor with beautiful mood lighting.

But if the two dancers refuse to tango together…

There will be no dance.

To have a Tango dance there have to be two partners dancing in sync with each other.

Can you picture a Tango where the two partners both try and lead?

Or worse, where no one leads?

That is what it feels like where you have clients who are not on the same page for what is important when buying a home together.

They often will look at you their agent and say the reason they cant make it to the “grand finally” is because of your failure at instruction.

You should know better than to believe that.

You cannot force a couple dance together.

Similarly, you cannot complete a transaction with out the mutual agreement from your clients as a team.

You are in the business of helping people find and sell homes.

But before you can do that, sometimes you have to be in the business of helping people get on board with each other’s priorities.

No, it is not in your job description.

No, you do not have to help a married couple trade their priorities for a living situation they can both live with.


You do not have to.

However, if you do:

You might be the reason two people begin communicating again.

You might be the reason they will never work with anyone but you for years to come.

You see, people who are part of a couple may not realize they are not on the same page until you say something.

You could be attempting trial and error forever with a couple who thinks you will eventually organize their separate want list into one.

The odds of that working out are not in your favor.

It is like organizing an amazing dance show for no one to agree to dance at.

Not because you are not great at putting together great options for the “show”.

But because the dancers will not agree to dance.


Be the mediator.

Showcase one partners want list to the other in the best light possible.

Your job is to shine the spotlight on the issues.

But ultimately, deciding on what issues matter most to both partners is something for them to decide.

You would like to host their “dance”.

(Tell them you would like to help them buy a home.)

But if one is insisting on the Cha-Cha and the other on the Mambo…

It will never look like the Tango!

To move forward in one direction there has to be an agreement.

For two people to agree with each other they have to care and be aware of what matters most to the other.

To be aware means to take turns talking and listening to each other.

One agenda must rest for the other to be heard.

What is important has to be weighed.

And that is a conversation you may have to help start for them.

“That’s what I do too”

The standard level of service we experience as consumers is not great.

It also is not terrible.

Most of the time it is acceptable.

It is acceptable based on the few experiences we have had that represent both great and terrible service.

The average of all our experiences as time marches on has defined what is acceptable.

Our standards for what we will pay money for has been set by the world going on around us.

It basically works like this in the consumer brain: We don’t know where else to get what we want, so we settle for what is available.

It is in our nature.

However, there is some good news about human nature amidst this conditioned surrender.

Human nature wants more.

The want is always there.

Laying dormant.


We may not always have the time or energy to figure out how to get more…

But when we see it.

We recognize it.

We want it.

But there is the catch.

If you want to be the provider of a new standard of good or service in your field:

You won’t ever be able to say “me too” again at an industry cocktail party.

This is why:

Let’s say you are a Realtor you will eventually find yourself knowing other “Realtors”.

You will find yourself talking to those people and getting to know their products.

After you talk to enough people who say “me too” when you tell them what you do, you will find you now have a problem saying “me too” once you know what they do.

You will have a problem if you think the standards of most people in your field are not good enough for the consumer.

You will have a problem when you compare the standard service they deliver and the service you deliver and you realize saying “me too” no longer makes any sense.

The truth:

This is a great realization.

This is a problem you should hunt down, capture, feed ideas too and make your personal mascot.

The very thing most people settle for because there is nothing else is the very thing you can build a scale worthy brand out of if you have the nerve to raise the industry bar.

When you see there is no more similarity in their “similar” work and your work than you have in common with an astronaut…

That is the clarity superior service is built on.

Noticing the obvious, and doing something about it.

The holy grail of brand building is often just seeing the lack there of and filling the void with what needs to be there.

If you are interested in something more than just making an industry standard include you too…

If you are Interested in your name lasting because you make positive changes for the people and businesses you work with…

If you are ready to stand out and handle the initial confusion that setting a new standard requires…

You will have to find a new job title for yourself.

That is just part of being the kind of person who was never meant to be a “me too”.


Thought Process Assembly Lines

A belief without action is not visibly seen or physically felt by the outside world.

It is the cognitive joining of information available as it relates to your story.

That is how a belief system is formed.

The belief system then becomes the filter that all information passes through.


And with that filter in place- a thought process born.


A thought process acts like an assembly line for new ideas…

Our actions are the physical products that are produced by this assembly line.

In business, these thoughts about what we should do reflect in the actions we make.


Those are the mechanics and the basis for every move we make.

Every action we make corresponds to the idea that came before the action.


This is why you have to really try not to second guess your potential.


Do not sabotage your good ideas with self doubt.

Know the difference between taking caution and quitting because of fear.


Doubt is the kind of thought that stifles your best work.

It stifles your best work because doubt creates non-action.

Clouding your judgement with emotion.

Emotion has the power to bend a person’s rational until it is unrecognizable if it is encouraged.

The positive reinforcement that doubt feeds on is fear.

The only way to stop fear is through a shift in cognition.

A conscious choice to redefine fear.

To understand that fear is necessary and not something to always avoid.

It lets you know a change is possible if you are willing to stand up to it.

It is wonderful to be human.

But sometimes we out feel ourselves.


So stand up.

Bet on yourself.

Bet on your ideas.

Set your ideas into motion by making them goals.

Think about them.


Take action.

One foot, then the other.


It all starts with one thought.

I am not afraid to try harder.

A machine only has programmable logic.

Channel your inner machine when it is time to be brave.

Dig deep.

You can do it.


Thoughts become things.






Manners are free to acquire.

Also, once acquired they require you do less verbal convincing that you are a professional person.

They are an investment in your own respect for what you do.

Paid through your effort.

Manners are visible, and scarce.

Making it easier for you to stand out amongst your competition if you have them.

Consider that the way we communicate is mostly non-verbal.

Physical manners are an important preamble that represent what you might say verbally.

Consequently, you may not get a fair chance at being heard if you do not make a good impression visually.

Our lives are fast paced.

Because of that, we “cut” out certain things that we deem less worthy of our time.

But if you want to stand out as an individual who should be picked over another to do business with then you  actually have to stand out.


It doesn’t matter if the world standard for looking and acting  professional has taken a nosedive.

Deep down it doesn’t matter one bit how ironed your clothing is.

Not at the core of you.

Not when discussing the true meaning of life.

But to have the best opportunity to show the core values you possess to other people…

Dressing sharp and being polite in the way you carry yourself will never be out of style.

How to talk to a narcissist


There is more than one type of narcissistic personality.

Understanding which type you are involved with can greatly help how you are able to work with them.

One type is the Vulnerable Narcissist.

A Vulnerable Narcissistic person has a egotistical outer shell, but beneath is a more insecure person than you would expect.

As humans we have a lot of defense mechanisms we cultivate in order to protect our vulnerability.

Vulnerable Narcissists tend to take this to an extreme.

Insecurity is handled by the vulnerable narcissist by creating an exterior facade that emulates characteristics of power and control.

The tricky part is in determining if the person is vulnerable under that hard exterior sheath, or if they actually are internally a mirror reflection of the outside.

The answer is usually reviled in how they respond to attempts to connect with them via the use of empathy as a discovery tool.

For example: if a person has indicated it is “my way or the highway”- not seemingly concerned with you or your client…test them.

Call their bluff or force them to show their real cards.

Make them admit they do not care.

With a narcissist you must never assume!

With anyone you shouldn’t assume, but making assumptions when a narcissist is involved…

Things could get ugly.

Narcissists want you to assume so they can continue their plot.

Assertiveness throws them off!

A Vulnerable Narcissist will back off before you force them to show their cards because deep down they are holding a pair of 2’s and talking as if they have 4 aces.

Deep down they care.

This will change the dynamic to more in your favor.

Acknowledge that you see the situation as one sided and encourage the narcissist to consider the point of view of your client.

Use empathy.

If they do not listen and steam roll over your point it is likely you have a Villain Narcissist on your hands.

Villain Narcissists

I call the second type a Villain not because they are necessarily evil.

They just have other villain like characteristics and comparing them to villains makes them easier to understand.

A villain doesn’t actually think they are a villain (not always anyway).

That is what makes them so hard to reason with using empathy.

A villain truly believes they are doing what is correct.

So convicted by their goals that they do not consider any other opinion as important.

So for you the hero, conveying fairness and the virtues of a win-win situation will fall on the deaf ears of a Villain Narcissist.

And you can’t use how wonderful they think they are to your advantage either.

Attempting to compliment them into liking you just will not work.

The Villain Narcissist likes THEMSELVES.

Do not take it personal, it is just a fact->you are not them so you can’t be as likable in their view.

Compliments will only further their already high opinion of themselves.

These are not fun people to deal with in general.

Doubly un-fun to negotiate with.

True as this may be…

You will be more successful if you become good at dealing with this type of person.

You are in sales…

And they love sales.

Plan of action for dealing with Villain Narcissists:

You know the saying: “if you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen”?

The Villain Narcissist loves that expression.

I like it too, but only to motivate- not to scare people.

The Villain Narcissist likes that saying and a plethora of other antagonistic/testing verbiage because they lack the ability to actually problem solve.

Problems scare them, so they avoid them with intimidation.

They use intimidation because they also do not like to lose.

They want more than anything to get what they want quickly by taking control quickly.

Their best chance of winning is to make a situation appear non- negotiable.

And get you to agree and give up.

They are not good negotiators because it requires them to speak to your points!

They have a hard time speaking to your points because they do not listen well.

They do not listen well because if it is you talking then it is not about them.

And we wouldn’t be calling them a Narcissistic personality type if they were not only about themselves.

These personality types are good at first impression power setting and saying “no” loudly and clearly.

They do not like multiple choices.

But what they like even less is not getting their way.

So your job is to make them deny themselves of what they want or back down and work with you.

That is their tactic for doing business… So to work with them it needs to be yours.

Advise them.

Do not ask a Villain Narcissist “what do you want to do”.

If you are at the following point in transaction empathy has not worked.

The situation:

The Villain Narcissist (buyers agent) and their client are strong arming you or they will walk (they say).

If you agree to their demands your client(Seller) will not get a fair deal.

You know this.

You also know you can sell your clients home for a more reasonable offer.

You have no idea what this buyer’s agent verbally has said to his/her clients.

Your clients do not want to kill this deal but it is in their best interest if the agent and their buyers will not consider your counter.

Verbiage for you the agent:

“Here is where my client and myself stand.”

– quick note- do not separate yourself from your client. If you do the VN will try and split you from your client further by attacking where your client stands. If you speak as if you and your client are one it demonstrates strength and agreement by the “team” that this situation has been discussed and settled on your end.

Back to verbiage: “here is where my clients and I stand… We have indicated prior to right now that this is where we stand. You and your clients disregarded our counter. As a result, here is what is going to happen. You agree to convey our points in the counter clearly to them and give them a true opportunity to consider. Also, this message has been sent to you and your clients by my clients via an email, fax and voicemail so as to ensure all parties have the same information as well as my clients personal sentiments wishing your buyers well should we now terminate our contract. We do not want there to be any room for miscommunication on our end. We WANT to work with your clients. Should your clients wish to continue negotiations, excellent. Should they not, we will have the contract terminated immediately so you can begin searching for another home for them should they chose to have you do that.”

If a deal has gone this direction, your options have already become unfavorable.  But if you do not get this firm with an agent who is strong arming you there will never be a favorable outcome.  This gives you the opportunity for your clients to sell at better terms or none at all. If you go along with the one sided ultimatums of an agent who is not meeting you halfway the result would be bad deal or no deal.  At least with this you have the potential for a good deal or no deal.

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