A patient said that to me.
She said it, and for some reason I heard it for the first time.
The statement is a reduction of a truth that can be hard to accept for many of us.
I am not exempt from that truth and neither are you.
And the truth is…
Unless you make a change, nothing will change for you or around you.
You are attracting everything in your life that your current habits, thoughts, and actions are displaying what you want.
Your mate is a major reflection of what you think you deserve, and if you have not healed from past traumas, you may be reliving the same toxic relationship pattern at this very moment.
We seek what is comfortable and not necessarily what we need because what we need requires us to acknowledge the parts of us that are broken, vulnerable, and sore.
Acknowledging those things will change us.
Change can cause temporary pain.
But what’s more painful?
Some relationship cycles that stem from trauma can leave you feeling like you keep finding disappointing men (or women), but the reality is there is something in you, that remains in need of healing if you continuously attracting people who fail you.
When we have pain that goes unacknowledged what happens is we need constant external acknowledgement to feel a sense of worth.
And so we seek those who give us attention rather than seeking those that pour into us and add value to our life in a meaningful way.
The problem is that the acknowledgment we really need has to do with something that happened in our past that we have yet to process, radically accept, and heal from.
If you want to see the external things in your life change, it has to be you who takes a look at your patterns and start inquiring about the part you play and how you got there.
The other people will never change for you, and you will not change for them because you shouldn’t change for anyone but you.
You are the one person you should deeply reflect on, accept responsibility for, and heal for.
Every guilt. Every Nightmare. Everything that happened that you call a failure.
You will have to acknowledge and release it all and begin a new narrative centered from a whole place.
The changes most of us seek come as a result of healing. We call it a goal when we want to change, but change is simply what happens when you awaken to everything you are.
When you heal from a narrative, flaws and all, accept the ‘why’ behind it all, and move on, change is the direct result of that work.
Yes, you have to change how you understand and acknowledge what has happened in your life for anything else to change, and it may well be uncomfortable, scary, and worth it.
You will see different.
Your tastes buds will change.
Your body will transform.
You will not be the same.
You won’t care about judgement.
The list will grow and surprise you and fill you wonder about what else you have been missing out on.
You will be totally within yourself for the very first time.
You will live in the present and amazing things will happen and be drawn into your life.
But just like pruning a tree, you have to cut away some of the façade in order to reveal how well molded you are.
And sometimes pruning is painful.
Do it anyway.
You deserve what is on the other side of doing the work so the work must be done.